She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
