you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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