he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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