first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
