her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I AM VODKA MAN
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize