Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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