i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
