just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
