Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
