I can text with my tongue
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His hands were made for my vagina.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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