you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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