this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
