So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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