I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize