i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
