i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
