Pants 0. Shit 1.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
