I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
