That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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