Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I faked an abortion last night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize