dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
