bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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