i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
