I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize