I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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