just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
