Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
