In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize