This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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