I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My ass is underappreciated
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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