"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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