I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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