he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
