is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
