And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
