i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
