Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
