My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
