i just wanna soil my oats bro
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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