Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
