they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
