Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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