Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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