I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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