ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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