I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i have two assholes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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