I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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