I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
