he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
