Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
