Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
