I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
