At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
