I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
