I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
