well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
