i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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