Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize