Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
