I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
