I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
