did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize