today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
