I just threw up on my dentist
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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