i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
