I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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