Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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