so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I puked a lego.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
