Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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