Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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