I'm jealous of your bromance
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
