so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize