The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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