I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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